Sitting at the grave site for her daughter Liz frowned. It had been two weeks since she had given birth to the baby, two weeks since she had lost yet another child. She was beginning to think there was something wrong with her. Like she was destined to never have children. Sighing she wrapped the jacket she had on closer to her, "Providence Grace Hanson," she said to herself as she read the stone out loud. It had been a name both she and Zac had agreed on.
"I like the name," a voice spoke and a body sat down beside Liz in the grass. They didn't care that it was the fall or that it was colder here in this cemetery than anywhere else.
Liz looked beside her when she heard someone speaking. Seeing Taylor she smiled slightly. She hadn't seen him since they had sex in the kitchen of her house. He also hadn't shown up at the memorial service that had been held for Providence just days after her birth.
"Zac and I both agreed that it fit her," Liz frowned sadly as she thought of Zac. He had been so strong for her the week after Providence had been born and now he wasn't even answering her calls at his parents house. She hoped he didn't cut her out of her life. Taylor had done that after she had miscarried their child and that had only made a mess of things. That was why she was where she was right now in life.
Smiling as he listened to her Taylor nodded, "I'm sure it suited her," he said as he reached out and put a hand on her back, rubbing it gently. He hated that she had lost yet another child. He could also feel for Zac too because he knew what it felt like to lose a child. To be told that child was no longer there, "At least you guys got to bury her," he said as he thought of his own child with Liz.
"Yeah at least we did," Liz nodded as she looked over at Taylor and watched as his blue eyes clouded over some. She wasn't sure but she thought she saw genuine sadness in him. It was a sadness she had never seen before, "I can't help but think of our baby as well," she said as her voice got lower. Their baby had been on her mind a lot again.
"I think of our baby all the time," Taylor spoke honestly as he ran his free hand through his hair. "I never stop thinking of our child," he shrugged as he rubbed her back more. He had never been this honest in his life. "Ever since you lost it, it's all I can think about and how I blame myself that it's gone," he sighed as he swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat.
Liz looked away from him, shocked by his admission. She hadn't known that her miscarriage had haunted Taylor that badly, "It wasn't your fault," she said as her voice cracked and she felt a few tears go down her cheeks. "I think something is just wrong with me," she said as she shook her head. Since his being back this was the most honest conversation she had, had with Taylor.
"It was my fault," Taylor sighed again. "If I had just listened when you first told me something was wrong instead of thinking it was you trying to be dramatic because of the argument we were having," he said as he looked at the headstone in front of him. "I left town because I couldn't even look at you. I married Natalie because I thought maybe it could make me feel something and stop hurting," he said knowing he sounded pathetic. He was utterly pathetic.
"I got with Zac to deal with you being gone," Liz said as she finally looked at him again. "If you think you are such a bad person because you are supposedly to blame for our child being gone, then what am I?" she asked as she raised an eyebrow. "Zac was my safety net for me being upset with you and also missing our baby. I treated him like crap intentionally and I have still been doing that even with you back," she said as she chewed on her lip.
Taylor looked at her and laughed bitterly, "We are both screw ups," he said as he moved his hand off her back. "Zac doesn't deserve you and Natalie sure as heck doesn't deserve me as her husband," he said as he chewed on his own lip. Natalie even though she had left had been calling him every night.
"At least we can be screw ups together," Liz shrugged as she laughed slightly. "You are right, Zac doesn't deserve me," she said knowing he didn't. He deserved someone far better and someone who didn't have as much baggage as she had. "He deserves someone better and I think he knows that too but yet he keeps clinging to me."
"Much like Natalie keeps clinging to me," Taylor nodded knowing what Liz meant. Even if Natalie was having his child she deserved better and she had to know that. Heck she did know that. "I want to change," he admitted as he stared at her. He wanted to be a better man and a few months ago he could have sworn being a better man meant being with Liz again. That she could make him better but she couldn't. Only he could make himself better.
When Taylor said he wanted to change, Liz thought that over in her own mind. She wanted to change as well. She wanted to be someone who Zac could deserve. She wanted to be different too, "I want to change as well," she said as she nodded in agreement. "I don't think I can change though with you around," she said knowing she never could.
"And I can't change with you around," Taylor smirked. He knew he needed to deal with their baby being gone without her. Whatever they had it had been lost and what they were doing now was hurting her, it was hurting Zac, it was hurting Natalie and in a way it was hurting him too. "I think I'm gonna leave again," he said as he stood up from the ground and brushed his pants off. "Go see Natalie in Georgia and try to fix things with her and also fix myself, before she has our baby."
"I think that would be a good idea," Liz agreed as she stood up and brushed her own pants off. "You need to be in a good frame of mind before becoming a father," she smiled though a part of her was jealous. At least he would have a chance again to be a parent.
When she stood up Taylor looked down at her, "I'll miss you," he said opting not to tell her that his flight for Georgia left tonight.
"I'll miss you as well," she said before pulling him into a brief hug. At least this parting she was prepared for and she knew it was right. She finally in a way felt a bit of closure from it. "I'll see you around," she said as she looked down and walked away from him. Reaching her car she got in and started it, feeling a few more tears go down her cheek. She didn't even bother wiping them away. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Zac chewed on his lip as he sat on Liz's front porch. He had been there for an hour now. She hadn't been home when he arrived so he had decided to wait on her to get home. Seeing her car pull into the driveway eventually and watching her get out he sighed when she sat down beside him, "Hey," he said as he looked at her.
"Hey," Liz said as she sat down beside Zac. She was surprised to find him on her porch. She hadn't been expecting him.
"I'm sorry for not taking your calls," Zac said as he looked away from her stare briefly. "I..I just needed time to come to terms with what happened on my own," he shrugged.
Liz nodded at his words, "I was scared you would push me away like Taylor did after I miscarried his baby," she admitted as she looked down.
"I wouldn't do that," Zac sighed. He wasn't Taylor and he wouldn't have just left her like that. "I love you too much to just leave you," he admitted. He did love her too much to leave her even if she treated him like crap or put him second to Taylor.
"I know that," Liz smiled as she heard him. "That is why I have decided to get help. Deal with my issues and become the person who is worthy of your love," she smiled more. She hoped he would be okay with that.
Hearing her Zac was shocked, "Really?" he asked hoping she meant it.
"Really," Liz nodded as she reached over for his hand. Linking their fingers together she smiled. "I think I'm ready to get better and be yours," she said as she squeezed his hand softly. Liz had faith that she could turn her life and situation around. It may take awhile but she could do it and one day she would be worthy of his love.
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